Sunday, July 17, 2011

The Great Improvisation. (Heath Ledger)

Channeled to Jacqueline

Heath Ledger comes in to speak, and share the truth of his life and passing.

-Heath begins by speaking of his life, as it was due to be a short incarnation. Heath has been on earth so many times and when you become evolved, or somewhat evolved, existence in an human body on the planet earth is more difficult, as you often feel like an alien visiting earth as Heath  most certainly did much of the time as an adult. Heath was deeply loved by his family, parents, and sisters and adores them with every ounce of his being. Heath loves his darling angel, his daughter  Matilda, beyond what we can imagine and is confident she will be well looked after. Heath has a deep respect for Michelle Williams but states, they would have never lasted as a couple. Heath could not be what Michelle wanted but tells us, that Michelle has a great and true love walking the earth she is not together with yet but he is hoping it happens for her and she is loved as she longs to be.  They would not have reconciled, though it was all very sad for their daughter.

-Heath speaks of not being a true thespian in a classical sense but he took his craft very seriously and worked to become the characters he played so much, he would often need to detox the character after a project was completed.

-Heath tells us, that many people believe playing the "Joker" pushed him over the edge and he said, it was more his role in "Brokeback Mountain." Of course, he wanted to meet Michelle and have his daughter, but that particular role proved to be a heavy load for Heath to bear. He liked to travel about as he pleased, do what he wanted and fame was always something that made him uncomfortable in his own skin. "Brokeback Mountain" brought a level of publicity, intrusion and negativity Heath was not totally anticipating and he found himself ill prepared to deal with it and represent the important movie and its' themes with accuracy and integrity. He felt like he was being pushed and this exasperated all the feelings he had of  the discomfort being in the public eye.

-Heath abused substances, meaning drugs for two reasons, the discomfort of being in his own skin and the insomnia that seemed endless and debilitating. Heath says, he took what is called an exit point as his soul decided, it was time to go and this plan went into effect 18 months prior to his passing but he wasn't aware of it on a conscious, human level. He indicates, he was going to exit earth one way or another and it was better he went in his sleep, though he certainly believed at the time he was only taking an afternoon nap and trying to rest up and heal as he did not feel physically or mentally well and believed sleep would do the trick. He tried many substances, looking for the answer and he never truly found it. All the substances, worked almost against each other and created many problems but he tells us, he lived with the belief he could take all those substances due to the fact he had been doing it for months before he crossed over with no serious problems. He was not a drug addict, not addicted to one substance or several substances but was addicted to trying to turn off the discomfort of being him, very much the voyeur, or like a ghost at times walking the earth. It was a very strange feeling he had in those final months on earth he says.

-Heath's portrayal as "the Joker" was a bit taxing on him but not in the sense it pushed him over any edge, he was already there with "Brokeback Mountain" but while many cannot understand this, it was time for him to go and this makes no sense he tells us because he had a young daughter on earth. The separation from Michelle was done to make it easier for this transition to occur but he tells us, he is sorry his family, Michelle and his close mates suffered so much with his passing. Heath acknowledges his own daughter despite her young age missed him immediately and now, he will be around her on a rather consistent basis to see her through but feels at peace with the love and care she is supported with.

-Heath says despite claims made by some "famous" or Heath says "infamous" psychic, he will not be returning to earth any time soon, he would not even consider reincarnating at this time or maybe ever. He has been here many times over and he now has many jobs he does, and devotes his energy to on the other side. He wants people searching through their own self-consciousness, to see how drugs, in the chemical sense, alter us biologically, and  are a huge gamble even if prescribed by a doctor. He is trying to influence treatment of substance abuse, to change course actually and to become a wealth of knowledge on what these substances that we use do to us physically, mentally and emotionally, how some of them change or restructure brain chemistry. He is working diligently on this project with many others to influence great minds in psychology, and psychiatry on earth to begin to utilize alternative methods of treatment. He smiles in a shy fashion when he remarks his story is not like that of Anna Nicole Smith and he has never met her on the other side. Their stories are quite different and when he first crossed over, he was not necessarily in a good place, not in hell but in a place of needing some recovery space from the earth life or the ride he had just been on. It was such a smooth, easy transition, no better way to go than in your sleep Heath says.

-Heath says now he believes his favorite film would be "A Knight's Tale" as he just loves the story and life was very good for him at that stage. He says on earth it was "Braveheart" and he still is very grateful to Mel Gibson and forever will be. He also starts talking about Hollywood legend Jean Harlow, saying he has quite a crush on her and will leave it at that. He is not with a mate on the other side but insists, it's only due to the fact, he still has much work to do on Heath. Heath says he thinks his performance in "10 things I hate about you" is pretty awful now but he knows that film gave him such opportunity. He is grateful for everyone, for everything but we must understand, for someone as evolved spiritually as Heath Ledger, taking a journey to earth is quite the bumpy ride.

-Heath has met Nick Drake and says they are very much kindred spirits as Heath always believed they were. Heath starts talking about a group called Silverchair, they resonated with him and he liked songs that had a haunting nature to them or a song that stays with you all the time. that has almost a chilling effect and Heath says there were many of those for him. Heath also mentions a group called "the Lords of Acid" and how so many people who liked him like them as well. He starts to mention a song called "Old Man" and he says now, it's rather annoying and smiles because now he doesn't think very much of that song at this juncture. Heath starts whistling and singing "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder, and then he exits by saying his life was a great role, a great improvisation and good films end leaving you wanting more, feeling almost unsatisfied, as you want to know what happens next, so he hopes everyone enjoyed it more than he did at times.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Truth. (Bob Marley)

Channeled to Jacqueline

Bob Marley has come to speak to me, with a heavy accent and so I ask for clarity. His eyes are crystal clear, his smile is gorgeous as he begins:

-"I am here because I wish to tell the truth, for nothing else matters and there can only be one truth. I don't believe in the seers or psychics as you call them that do this to pad their pockets, not in the least" says Bob but he says he does believe in this process because he was and still is a philosopher and still has messages to convey.

-Music Bob Marley says, is the most unifying and significant communication form presently on the planet, it has been for thousands of years but the cranked out, complete junk they are selling you or saturating your airwaves with, leaves much to be desired in his opinion. What do the artists stand for who are making this music? Why don't they take it seriously he asks? Bob says, everything in life cannot be taken as a joke and most of all, with such a powerful medium to reach people, you should have something important and significant to say. The world is not improving, but things are getting much worse Bob says, and the power we have to reach the masses is spent on such meaningless lyrics and shallow images.

-"What is your truth?" Bob asks, "What is the truth?" If you don't know your own soul or what you believe in, then you should not be speaking to the masses, for your message is, nothing is important but you", says Bob Marley.

-People believe or some do that Bob Marley is all about smoking blunts (he smiles) that's really freedom of choice and cultural but not inherent to his philosophy and goals. It is not inherent to his soul. He lashes out at those who believe this was really important to his message.

-Bob acknowledges 13 children on earth and Bob says he watches his children and is proud of each and every one of them. Bob loves Rita more than any other woman but states that the music business or show business makes it difficult if not impossible to have a true marriage and is no place for married people who wish to stay married.

-Bob realized before his death how corrupt show business was and how there was a tinge of corruption on his soul especially with the women who never stopped throwing themselves at him. "Money became empty, the soul was running dry" Bob says after years in show business.

-His message is, there is one God and many paths to him, Jah is God he says and God is the same God everyone speaks to who sees truth, not superiority of one person or color or creed, or gender over another. "God is a God of light and truth, not fear, not oppression, not judgment for you will judge yourself and feel the pain you inflicted upon every human being on your return" to what Bob calls "Zion." Your soul has a tally Bob tells us and will keep score of the rights and wrongs you have done and freedom only comes from living and breathing and most of all speaking the truth. The truth is, no one is better than another, and no one should be exalted over another for empowerment or control of anyone.

-Bob speaks about the U.S. since the channel (Jacqueline resides in the Northeast of the U.S.) and suggests, what the U.S. has done to many places is criminal and he is pointing now to Haiti and is deeply saddened by what has happened there, suggesting the U.S. has cultivated many of the problems in that place. The middle east wants to be divided Bob says, there is no point in trying to bring anything there now but suggests Africa is the key to all the world thriving and being in peace and harmony, the Motherland is the true feminine energy of the planet and must be respected as such, Bob Marley tells us. Bob Marley is puzzled by President Obama, suggesting he wants to "assimilate" more than speak the truth. Bob does not understand the need to "fit in" to say the U.K's vision of the world or France's vision of the world but not wish to bring about necessary changes to the world stage, given the rare opportunity Mr. Obama has been given, like a gift from God says Bob, a gift being misused and wasted in Bob Marley's viewpoint.  Jamaica is not the way he hoped it would be, but only the people are to blame he says.

-Bob has many teachers on the other side and teaches many. One of his teachers is, Jiddu Krishnamurti which he believes everyone should read. Joseph Campbell,  the American writer is around Bob along with play write August Wilson,  who is very quiet and very close to Bob. Bob also has admiration for Tupac Shakur and Notorious Big, suggesting Christopher Wallace was so different in his lyrics and perceptions, he was original and Tupac was deep. Bob is with his brother he says, Lucky Dube, and keeps suggesting the singers known as "the Fugees" are two people he has no respect for, but does not elaborate on that comment. He also believes Bono's heart is in the right place and the group called Black Uhuru  should be honored like the Rolling Stones.  He also likes a group on earth presently known as "Rusted Root" for their deep soul fusion of sounds,  and starts singing a song Donna Summer made public  called "State of Independence." He also loves Chuck D of "Public Enemy." May you all listen to the song "Fear of a Black Planet"  says Bob Marley.  He also speaks of many singers we would not know who are not yet famous.  He has more admiration for someone who picks up a guitar on a street corner and sings the messages and not rides in limos with make-up people and lives for their own hype.  Bob also speaks of Carly Simon, and says he respects her greatly, loves her song "Touched by the sun" and her version of "Blackbird."  Bob says some of the best singers in the world now are from Africa and there will be a woman who will win the hearts of the world with her voice in four years who has lived in the depths of disease and famine.

-Bob says he was not murdered but his earthly body left  by a terrible disease. There were assassination plots on his life and he would not have made it past the age of 37 regardless. One major plot was hatched in Jamaica he says, another one hatched in Germany. He was more important than he realized. His soul was ready to go, he has put down the torch so others can carry it, not extinguish it with their lack of vision, and message. Though born in Jamaica, his heart is in Ethiopia and he says, people will think it is trendy to visit an Ethiopian restaurant but the culture, the feeling, the truth evades them about the place he is now fondest of on earth. He is rather disenchanted with singers who mention him and who seem to be "fans" of his but continue to use their gift for no message but to publicize and glamorize themselves. "Glamour" is a great illusion says Bob Marley, the soul is not glamorous. the fight for truth and justice is not glamorous, what is it to say, I always wanted to be glamorous? It says one is shallow" and  Bob uses the word "foreboding" for someone on earth and says they will understand and smiles. The message should be to promote unity, understanding and respect not look at me says Bob Marley. Bob says, God is the true light resides in all men and women but they allow corruption and inner demons to overtake their light so they are individually glorified instead of working for the whole. Bob does not blame alternative cancer treatments for his bodily death but knows it was time to go home and it was time to pass the microphone so others can lead the way.

-Bob Marley speaks of his concert at the Stanley Theater in September of 1980, it was emotional, important in so many ways and he says sometimes though that venue does not exist in that context any longer, he returns to that area of Pennsylvania with his dear friend, August Wilson,  who lived there for years. He is not haunting anyone but Bob Marley is hoping, that everyone will believe in a greater message than self-promotion. "There should be no hunger" says Bob, "in a world of plenty, no hunger for food, or knowledge.  There should be more people reading Maya Angelou"  Bob Marley says and smiles.  Bob wants to leave by saying "We must come to a place where we realize, we are a part of the whole, not a shining star in the night, but a contributor to something much larger than ourselves."  Bob ends the channeling by saying  "Cancer is a poison that comes to our human body and we are asked to put more poison in to kill the poison that has already invaded; Your body cannot be saved or spared sometimes from a difficult ending so why go to extraordinary means to live on when your soul has decided to fly free?  Perhaps we are afraid of soaring, and we cling to things that are  temporary but seem stable and  comforting.  Your spirit will live forever, it will roam in the night, and be a powerful force.  Do you choose to believe in the temporary human body or the everlasting spirit?  Which means more to you?"

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Jim Morrison: The Phoenix Rises

(Jim Morrison from the Doors has channeled to Guest Blogger,  psychic-medium Claudia Portugal)

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Jim has come to Claudia to discuss the one he left behind, and factual details of his death in Paris, in July of 1971.

The Phoenix is a representation of death and rebirth in the sun. Jim compares himself to this.

These are the exact words Jim Morrison gave to psychic-medium Claudia Portugal:

"I am always around my Rebecca, always watching her and always protecting her. I have absolutely no interest at all regarding any of my past life here on Earth. My fans always claim that I was quite the massive fuck-up , and was robbed of a good life and career, but deep down I was unhappy and unsatisfied. Even through all the fame and all the women that constantly fell all over me, I was always missing something or someone; in reality I was missing my mate. My twin flame eternal mate; I was missing my Rebecca.

Unfortunately, I need to go back and mention my life as Jim Morrison, resident lunatic of the Doors. This my dear, is a true orison for you. My 27 and half years on earth as Jim Morrison were simply a destiny, unfulfilled, sidetracked and somewhat deranged. I grew up longing to be a bohemian writer, not a hippie, there is quite a big difference in those lifestyles. I later believed film could be a great art form and path for me to take. Seeing European art films during my high school years was a great inspiration. I didn't believe I was going to be John Ford, but maybe an Americanized version of Jean-Luc Godard. My aspirations may have been quite high in terms of this dream of a writing and film career, but of course, I didn't plan to get into music, it was fate.

The collection of books written about me are an affront, something inherently infantile and one dimensional. They report one drunken escapade after another, clearly demonstrating I had all the classic characteristics of an alcoholic, which of course was the absolute truth. I was an alcoholic, it was a physiological dependency but one I could have and would have beaten permanently. Cigarettes, were also an addiction that would've resurfaced during my lifetime if my life had not been prematurely extinguished.

My life was a mystery as was my death. You see, I was an actor playing roles for everyone. I gave people exactly what they sought out from me and kept my life in various compartments. No one, and I mean no one was able to enter more than two of my compartments at any given time. A healthy life, is essentially one where all the compartments of  what is contained within are fully integrated in a person. I was never the same in front of one person that I was in front of another. I could not be who I really was, because most of the time, I didn't know who Jim Morrison was; I was continuously searching. I begin to try to focus on reinventing myself in Paris for a few months in 1971. I was quite ill and the part the wonderful books about me don't know, is that I had two conditions I was not being treated for at the time of my demise. One, was just misdiagnosed for months by Parisian doctors, it's called pleurisy. I was not diagnosed properly  for this condition and therefore not receiving proper treatment and it turns out, I also had developed an ulcer, more specifically a duodenal ulcer. These conditions fully explain the symptoms I was experiencing during my final months on earth. They would've been properly diagnosed and treated later in July of 1971. I didn't make it that long, I did not take my own life, I did not accidentally overdose on anything, what people will never believe or accept is, I was murdered. I was murdered because someone believed they owned me and could not leave me be.

My death was not a suicide; I was murdered by the unstable mate that I was with. We argued on July 1st, I was leaving Pamela. She needed money, she did not want me, yet she wanted me to stay with her because of her popularity if she and I stayed together, and have the money as well. She was in love with the French Count, but he had left her for the second time. The night of the murder, I had not been feeling well. She had come to see me and we argued, and she slipped a sleeping pill in my drink, I always had a drink around me. She meant to knock me out but instead she killed me by shooting me  up with a dose of heroin. I was very sick and I was also very sensitive to opiates. I did not take drugs the night of my death other than prescription anti-spasmodic medicine; I had a drinking problem and I refused to do heroin. She was a heroin junkie. I had no intention of staying with her. She knew I was leaving her, and she didn’t want that to happen. She meant to knock me out, and instead she overdosed me with heroin. Between my illness, the alcohol, sleeping pill, and heroin; it ended fatally. Later, she and Count Jean, moved me from my bed to the bathtub to make it look like I overdosed myself.  Panic then set in because if an autopsy took place, she may well be sitting in a Parisian jail cell, with her lover.   I was not a heroin user, I was not in love with her, and she couldn’t allow me to leave. She needed to preserve her financial security and celebrity status…so she thought. She had intentions to force me to stay with her. Jean left her and she could not allow herself to be left alone, with no status or money.

My death was actually, due to the fact I did not break off that long on again/off again pseudo-relationship. It became apparent to the albatross around my neck, I was getting ready to leave her and this time, probably not return. You see, there was a big fight the night of July 1st that went on for nearly 3 hours. My future plans were revealed and this was something I had not intended to do with her. You can find pictures I would rather have you not see of me and this bitch in France taken a few days before my demise, where we look content, somewhat happy together though my eyes were empty. I was playing a role with her so she didn't realize as soon as I got the money from the Door's office back in the states, I was gone. In L.A., I would just take off on her, for days, weeks or months. She would never know what I was going to do and this time, I had to be careful she didn't catch-on. I am not proud of this but anyone who met me on earth will often describe a different person, because I gave them all each of what I thought they wanted. Call it a psychological game or call me an actor, it doesn't matter anymore, it's over. I am on this side now because someone could not let me go or let me be and this was the person who claimed to love me.

People hardly question the extreme cover-up of my death. They buy the story I died in a bathtub, throwing up pineapple and blood. They believe I went to see a movie that night, when I was hardly able to climb the stairs at the apartment; I never saw a movie my last night on earth or ate Chinese food. Who can vouch for these stories then or now? It's a complete joke. I didn't go out to score drugs for a woman who vowed to get off smack and clean-up her life and had stashes of her poison  secretly hidden all over the apartment. I was thrown out of the nightclub I supposedly died in, for being drunk and disorderly and I was also taken out one night and put in a taxi for passing out in the bathroom, because I was drink, and sick, and not because I was snorting heroin. This kind of thing often happened in L.A., but no one really cared.

After my untimely demise, lies were told and rumors started. I did not bite the dust in the bathroom of a Parisian night club. No need to believe a book that came out over 30 years since my death by a so-called friend who I hardly knew. I knew strippers better than Sam Bennett.. I did not mistake heroin for cocaine. Yes, I did use drugs on earth but I was an alcoholic, not a drug addict. I used drugs during that time period to discover what Crazy Horse had seen in a vision, the world beyond this one, the real world, not the mirage. It was quite common in the times I lived in to partake in L.S.D, peyote, and cocaine. I believed these drugs would help me write and they turned out to be empty vessels. I was not into opiates. I had tried them, didn't like them and felt like the drug induced stupor they put me in the few times I experienced them was not my trip. I was never a heroin user, considered it trash, and it turned out to be poison for me. I did not willingly take heroin the night of my death, there was no consent and I had quite a few drinks before returning to the Parisian apartment the night I died, so as a non-heroin user, the combination of the health problems I was experiencing, and the alcohol, did me in.

Pamela and I were always fighting. No one except for one individual knew that I was going to leave her and end it indefinitely with Pamela. She did find out that this was my plan, and this was her reason for trying to prevent me from leaving Paris. She did murder me, but it was an accident. She did not want me to leave and she was not thinking or behaving like a rational person. She was a heroin junkie and her motive was to stop me from leaving. She did not plan to kill me, she planned to keep me with her in Paris. She thought that by drugging me that would keep me there with her, but her irrational behavior killed me. I did not do drugs while in Paris; she injected me in the foot. She thought it would be undetectable that way. I was sick and drunk on top of that, making it a lethal concoction. Pamela did not care about me; I was never in love with Pamela as the media always portrayed. All of it was for show and publicity, and she just wanted the status and the money.

Numerous women surrounded me, but those that claimed to have had a relationship with me never cared about me. They cared about the money, the fame, and their identity. Pamela only cared about her meal ticket and popularity. All of them, including the witch Patricia, who claims to have been my only wife on earth, did not care about me. They didn’t even know me. The so called “Pagan wedding” was all a big fraud, as we had no marriage. No one really knew me at all, not to mention,  my inner feelings about my truest, deepest desires. I couldn’t care less who I was with. I didn’t care much about them, as I always felt empty inside. These women who claimed they were the “one” for me, are all liars. None of them were the one for me. All of them were just money and status hungry vultures.  Just because I met Pamela before I had money or fame, once I got it, she was the one who lived for it, as she was materialistic and had to assume her identity from a man since she had nothing going for her - other than her looks which by the time we got to Paris, weren't all that great for a 24 year old girl.  She was an empty shell.  In the beginning we were kids having fun, she was going to be just another girlfriend for me, but she clung to me and I felt increasingly guilty for the drug addiction that engulfed her. Looking back now, since I didn't introduce her to heroin and in fact, continually told her it was bullshit to use it, I should  have realized where this all was heading.  She would just show-up wherever I was, motel rooms, concerts, wherever she could find me.  She was not going to let go and I felt guilt and if I was so in love with her, you would see much more evidence. 

I am sure I would've asked Pamela to accompany me to the most serious and important situation I faced in my life, my trial in Miami.  I made sure she did not go, I didn't want her there.  If I was in love with her, I would've wanted her by my side.  She pulled a stunt back in L.A. because she knew she was steadily losing her grip on me.  She overdosed and was hospitalized for supposed exhaustion or so I guess they called it in those days.  I did not rush home from Miami to acknowledge her childish actions, I actually drove back from Florida to California with one of my best friends Babe Hill and stopped along the way.  Does that sound like a man in love?  She ran off with her french count after I was convicted in Miami and out on appeal because he was accused of overdosing Janis Joplin.  She took off out of the country when her supposed husband was returning from such a serious matter.  People need to come to reality.  She was in love with the Count by 1970 and I was not in love with her ever, she was just another girlfriend who acted so helpless and laid a massive guilt trip on me.  I wish I had fallen in love on earth once, it never happened and I know why, I was only meant for one, and I would not have met her for another decade and when I did, it would've been total euphoria.

I come to you only because I am interested in my Rebecca, I am not interested in anything else and I have no interest in hanging around and talking to any Medium just for the hell of it. I am here only for my Rebecca until she comes home. I am around my Rebecca always. She is the only thing that matters to me. Once she comes home, there will be no reason for me to be around. I don’t give a fuck what goes on here on Earth and who’s doing what. I always make sure that my true love, eternal mate is looked after. Any psychic Medium out there that claims to be talking to me is a big ass liar. I am around you and only you because of my Rebecca.

I enjoyed writing poetry. Most of my time was spent writing poems…when I wasn’t working that is. I aspired to be a poet, but it was my musical career that made me popular. I didn’t care much about it; I cared about deep intellectual things, going into a deeper level of understanding and expression. I had a love of books, I longed  for a higher and deeper knowledge of the structure of life and the universe. I drank, but it was to numb myself through the constant sorrow of there being no fulfillment. I drank on daily basis, so to choose to remain constantly under the influence. I could see things no one around me could see, I had visions all the time, which led me to self destruction.

I felt the need to go to other Mediums to talk about my love, and my true love Rebecca. Most of the time it back fired, as these people, or women I should say, would start to become greedy, jealous with envy, and would want me to be interested in them., so the messages were never quite accurate, other than the book “Turn the Page”. And even that book left a lot to be desired. I channeled to women because I felt that it would be more effective to get the message out to the world, but I didn’t stop to think or realize that these women would fall into a state, of greed, envy, and pure idiocy. All I care about is my Rebecca. Nothing else here on Earth holds any momentous, or yearning calling to me.

I needed to move on with my life. All I wanted to do was start anew and put behind the life I was leading. I was planning to leave The Doors. I felt I would do much better if I could pursue this life as a writer. I was tired of the music I was writing. I wanted something new and different. All of these plans were going to take place once I left Pamela for good. I allowed the management that surrounded me to manipulate and control what I played. I didn’t like doing things nearly for the hell of it. I really wanted to have deep, significant music with the poetic lyrics I would add to my tunes. Unfortunately, my life was cut short because I was a NON-HEROIN USER,  and that poison was given to me without my consent or knowledge until it was too late and my life ended the way it did. Not much was accomplished on an artist’s level, according to me. All of my fans have this type of adoration toward me, and I don’t understand why. I was always wasted so my true artistic talent never shined through the way I would have wanted.

I become seriously angered when I look at my earthly reflection in the universal mirror and wonder how my life would have been different had I lived and married my true love, eternal mate Rebecca.

I am around for my Rebecca and no one else. I channeled previously to a woman named June about my death but then she became greedy and jealous, and she never set the story straight.  I spoke to  Jacquie in great detail about my love of Rebecca, and spoke to a woman named Darcy, who understood my soul and I have come in contact with her true love, Vern.  I have visited Francine in Pennsylvania, about my true love Rebecca, as she is very trustworthy.

 I did tell a woman named Victoria how I died but I stopped speaking to her in December of 2010. I AM NOT speaking to Victoria now, never will again, so she needs to knock off her bullshit. I do not come through to fans, never was understood by fans or never understood them, have no interest in hanging around his empty shrine of a grave or hanging around  in Virginia in bed with some woman who wishes I was in bed with her, sorry Rhonda.  I don't show up as a ghost for any mediums just to talk as I only have an agenda.  I did channel to a man who is unaware I gave him my words.  He is a talented author named John Smelcer and I completed an unfinished poem for him called "Coyote Blues."  He took the task of finishing my work quite seriously but I was there with him and literally gave him the rest of the poem through his crown chakra.  The poem actually is exactly what I wanted it to be, it is finished, just as my earth life is. 

If I were to do this over again, I would be with my Rebecca and our children. I would write poems and continue composing music along side my one and only true love Rebecca. There’s no one for me but her. . Never was, never will be, from here to all eternity.

I recall this film I saw on earth that wasn't all that memorable called ""The Thomas Crown Affair""  but the song from it was, ""The windmills of my mind"",   because now it seems to speak gently in the night about my feelings for Rebecca.  No beginning, no end but the despair I experience as things did not go as planned seems to be suggested beautifully in the lyrics.  This notion we all go to the other side and we are in a ""better place"" is a fallacy.  If you are separated from the only one who has a hold on you, it's no good.  I crave her beyond my cravings for alcohol on earth, it's incomprehensible.

I did not recognize that my music career was a success, mainly because I did not approve of how it was managed. Nor did I approve of the quality of the music. I was never satisfied. All I wanted was to compose music that would reach all at a soul level.

I continue to write songs on the other side for my Rebecca. I am waiting for her, and she is always on my mind.  The day of her arrival will be a day of celebration for me. We will go on to live the life we were meant to live and have our children. I am only around to watch over her and see that she is all right until the day she comes home to me. Many on the other side await her arrival. She is very important to many of us here on the other side. She belongs to a soul group of great importance.  I am not making any more attempts to channel any other psychics, so if you hear or read of someone, or a psychic claiming to talk to me, you must disregard it, as I have only been coming in to Claudia with messages to set the record straight. I need to make sure that from this moment on, no one put out any more crap about me. A lady named MJ has some letters I have given her to put out to Rebecca, that's all folks.  I want nothing else but to be with my true love eternal mate.  I am tired of the bullshit, the delusional books, and I have never made contact over here with a woman named Peggy.  I am tired of those I knew on earth, claiming to have superior knowledge of me and exploiting me.  Take a look in the mirror Sally, Janet and I could name a few others but these women need to get a life. I wasn't your savior, I wasn't even really your friend to any real extent.  I was just someone else you met along the way, your time could be spent on much more meaningful and TRUTHFUL things."

As a gift to my Rebecca, I channeled to someone named Darcy awhile back.

Jim then proceeded to give Claudia some closing comments.  He speaks of Lucille Fletcher and something she wrote entitled the "The Hitchhiker" and how it inspired him.  Jim conveyed to Claudia, he prefers the version presented on radio on what was known as "Suspense" theater than the version later presented on "The Twilight Zone."  He speaks of "Suspense" theater and how they would replay episodes and mentions a wine from Fresno, California, called "Roma Wines."  He saw "The Hitchhiker" on the "Twilight Zone" as well, but it wasn't as good, as Orson Welles had the lead role on radio. 

Jim spoke to Claudia of the Formosa Cafe in West Hollywood and how someone on earth who never sold him out, will recall being there with him!

Jim then mentioned  the song is mentions "THE BEST I EVER HAD” by Gary Allan, and told Claudia, he sends this song to Rebecca:

So you sailed away

Into a grey sky morning

Now I'm here to stay

Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now

I just say your name now


But it's not so bad

You're only the best I ever had

You don't want me back

You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world

Now I'm just a phony

Remembering the girl

Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter

Make yourself feel better


But it's not so bad

You're only the best I ever had

You don't need me back

You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to

Patch me up inside

But I can't take it so I

Run away and hide

And I may find in time that

You were always right

You're always right

So you sailed away

Into a grey sky morning

Now I'm here to stay

Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted

Could it be I'm haunted


But it's not so bad

You're only the best I ever had

I don't want you back

You're just the best I ever had

The best I ever had

The best I ever

Jim says Carl Jung's "Red Book" was given to him in dreams and other forms of hallucinations from the divine and all seeking enlightenment should start by reading the book. Jung became disillusioned with scientific rationalism and began to work on the spirit of the depths. This book is a journey that should be undertaken by anyone seeking true enlightenment and soul transformation as it will open the door to your journey:

The Scales of Justice by Divine Channel Jacqueline.

The Scales of Justice by Divine Channel Jacqueline

I am called "Jacqueline" of the Great White Brotherhood of light on the other side The term "psychic" is a vast term, much like the word music. It means so many things to so many different people. Psychic gifts or abilities, vary in range of development and most of all, categories. Some psychics see, some hear, some feel or do a combination of those things. It has been a battle for me to accept my gifts and to make this information public but I know these words were not given for me alone.

In my channeling's that are about to be presented, I must make it clear, I not only heard these souls clearly, I saw them either in my third eye or in my human eyes when I would close them. Some of them gave me distinctive scents as well, but each and every one of them gave me the required confirmations I would need to feel this is authentic. If I do not believe it's authentic, I will not allow it to be made public. I am not a psychic who believes "that's what I got, so here it is" but one who believes every soul I speak to is of great importance and I should work to have their words be presented in a way of accuracy and integrity. I must get confirmations and receive these spirits in different ways, not just pick-up a pen and believe someone is speaking to me.

My process involves many layers of confirmation, not imagination. I also would like to say, I was not familiar with most of the people I have now channeled. I was not a fan, or a reader of their personal lives. Some of these souls began appearing in my dreams many months back. Such as the former lead singer of INXS, Michael Hutchence. He began to speak to me of a singer named "Adele" before I ever heard of her quite a long time ago, saying he was a big fan of hers from where he is now. I kept thinking this dream was not accurate until I heard "Adele" sing a song for the first time. Michael entered my third eye and I heard him say that was her.

When these souls came in to speak to me, I did not question them about anything! They are here to say what they feel they want and/or need to say, not do a "Q & A" session. These are my channeling's, presented to you with no opinion, or thoughts from me. This is not about me, it's about those on the other side wanting to express their truth, in their words, on their terms.

Please support the Mattie Stepanek foundation:

Love & Happiness Always,


Tupac Shakur: Something Wicked This Way Comes

-Tupac Shakur has come to tell us he was a freedom writer, not a freedom rider. View his lyrics, his thoughts and you will see why he was born and why he came to earth

-He was not the typical illiterate "G" who was out there slinging drugs and robbing and beating people, he was an educated black man with prose in his heart, justice on his mind, and the essence of the creator in his soul. Thug life was about being in the times, so people saw him, listened to him, and it was the way he had come in so brothers would relate. The choice of that life, was not good for him, it took a toll because of the people who surrounded him, that mentality of the back stabbing is what Tupac calls it; it brought him down to a place he couldn't get out of. He was ready to die, ready to leave his body and his life at the time of his death, he made the choice, his soul decided, it was time to go. He had a love in his life, sweet girl, but he wasn't going to be able to maintain he says. Her name is Kidada. He was paranoid, but not paranoid enough about the right people and situations.

-Tupac should  have stayed out of the spotlight and he knows it now. It was full of snakes. He speaks of his death, and you don't have to be Colombo to know who did it he says emphatically. Stevie Wonder can see it he says, Helen Keller can see it and hear it. He says the name Marion and he said he will call the nigga Marion, not by Suge Knight because that's a street name and the  broke nigga has no street cred according to Tupac Shakur. He's broke Tupac says not just because Marion has no paper in his pocket, he's broke spiritually, he has no soul says the legendary rapper. Nigga (Tupac is talking about Marion) watched "Scarface" too many times and thought he could be John Gotti, he can't be a shoe shiner on the street Tupac says as his voice gets louder. He said everyone knows who ordered the hit, and how it happened. Then Tupac continues very animated with these questions " Who owed me money? What record label was I cutting ties with? Who knew the night I was shot, was the first night in a long time I had gone out not wearing a bullet proof vest? Who made sure the crooked ass Wrightway securtiy was going to be an accomplice and paid for it too? Reggie Wright is a lying, corrupt motherfucka" Tupac continues his rant "Marion will pay the piper, karma is a bitch and it's coming to him and he hasn't even felt it yet." Tupac wants this on the record, Orlando Anderson did not have Tupac taken out, it had nothing to do with crips and he has talked to Orlando on the other side and they are cool now. Tupac says the answer to his death is obvious and continues " Who knew I had all those unfinished songs?" GREED in capital letters is why Tupac states he was killed, not over some east coast, west coast bullshit. That was all made up and people tried to live the gimmick out, even he tried to live the gimmick out. Tupac knows Marion's former girlfriend Melissa knows the truth but he doesn't want to see her killed.

-His death was planned out and the truth of it lies in L.A, not in dirty Vegas Tupac says with extreme frustration. He says there are films that have been made about it and everyone with a brain knows who had him taken out. Tupac also wants to mention "The bitch ass motherfucka who shot him wasn't even paid that well." He then mentions someone named Anita Padilla. He mentions the name "Damon" and says Damon needs to work to bring out the truth of his death and Biggie's death. He is looking at Damon Dash he says over and over. The answers are in L.A. now he tells me again!

-Tupac wants everyone to know that Christopher Wallace is his boy, they have been close since the day Christopher crossed over. They are tight. "The same corrupt nigga who had me  taken out had Christopher Wallace taken out too" as Tupac continues to question why these murders have not been solved. Christopher no longer goes by the alias BIGGIE SMALLS on that side. Tupac explains the connection of the murders, "The reason Biggie had to be removed was, he was coming to L.A. and word got out, that someone was going to snitch Marion out. Since Biggie was accused of taking me out, Marion got scared." According to Tupac, Marion was scared of Biggie and afraid of what he would do with the information. Marion never cared about Puffy or Diddy or whatever he calls himself these days, cause Puffy just rode in on the same horse as Biggie. Tupac says, someone was going to snitch to Biggie and besides, it was a way to keep the so-called rap wars going and the legends bringing in money. Vegas police claim they spent so much money and never interviewed the right people according to Tupac. Biggie Smalls died because of Tupac's murder, plain and simple. There was no retaliation for shit Tupac says.

-Tupac says the jailhouse snitches are fakes. He says it's important to know, when he was robbed in New York, that was a set-up by someone who knew him well but not Biggie or Diddy. He knows that now. "That Motherfucker is never going to be heard from" says Tupac. Tupac claims he was frontin' when he was robbed and shot in New York and it was a loud wake-up call from the universe, one he didn't get the way he should. It was a warning, a sign but he didn't take it in the right way, "my bad" Tupac says, shaking his head.

-Going to jail due to his conviction on sexual assault should have been an epiphany for Tupac now realizes, because of who was around him. He didn't get that right either and he says, he didn't rape anyone, he wasn't present when all the shit took place with people around him. Everyone wanted a piece of Tupac and he couldn't live a life like that. He learned in prison racism wasn't what he thought it was, and he gained a new understanding about all people. But he failed to get the underlying message and soon after  he was shot and robbed in New York City. The Universe was slapping him in the face again and getting louder when he was robbed and shot in New York. His conviction for a crime he didn't commit was the ultimate "loud ass wake-up call" Tupac tells us.  He smiles and said he should have listened. His mind was becoming poisoned though his pen got stronger. He says Shakespeare wrote about it, he lived it, all the stories are in Shakespeare. Tupac loved women, still does, and would never intentionally hurt one.  He knows he was innocent of what he convicted of in prison, but guilty of not being the man he should have been and looking out for the girl who was assaulted and traumatized after he left.  "She was a victim" says Tupac but he also reveals "She should have thought more of herself than to just want to be a groupie to someone like me.  Look at the sick crew and nasty motherfucka's that were around me.  Women should think more of themselves than that but I also should have realized, someone with that mentality about herself, needs to be protected, from themself and others." 

-Tupac has deep, unabiding love for his Mother but doesn't care about his biological father saying "the nigga means nothing to me." He is around many you would not know on the other side, and is with a teacher named Rashani on the other side, but those you would know he associates with would be his "nigga", Eric Wright, also known as Eazy-E and says they are really close. He talks about how Eric was going to at one time, murder Marion and if he had, Tupac and Biggie would be alive today, smoking blunts. Eric wishes he had done it, despite the karma because Eric had a death sentence coming with AIDS anyway. He says Eric was the "real G" and "The Crossroads" performed by his boys, is the bomb. He is around Eric quite a bit and also, Tupac wants everyone to know, that O.D.B., OL' DIRTY BASTARD that is, who is just "Russ" on the other side now, is actually sane and Tupac laughs loud even thinking about it. He see Lisa Lopes all the time and says she is sweet with light and grace. But she" burned down a nigga's house down" so Tupac has to respect her.

-The other side has no color and Tupac knew there was another side and he is glad to be there now. His life was no joy ride but he tried to enjoy it and he talks about his close friend on the other side, former lead singer of INXS, Michael Hutchence. Tupac says "Hutch is my man" and they communicate all the time, he has much love for him.

-Tupac doesn't like his songs being put out after his death in ways other people wanted them to sound, it really annoys him but that's how the dice roll he says.

-Tupac doesn't much keep track music on earth , he has better things to do. During his time though, one rapper he said was making statements that were more in touch than his were. He points to this song and calls him another "freedom writer" and his name is Paris.

If he could rap together with an artist on any song in recent times, it would be this: as Tupac could see himself on this song and he laughs.

As far as singers today, Tupac says this one and this song is where it's at cause he's the best lyricist:

-Tupac is not with Medger Evans, Martin Luther King or Malcolm X, he gets the bigger picture now and the commonality that unites all souls. He really doesn't think much of Obama. "Just because there is a black president that's just putting a band-aid that won't hold on major wounds" says Tupac. He is not down with Obama's philosophy and can't support just based on skin color.

- Tupac wants his murder solved because the truth needs to come out and there is so much people on earth are lied to about, the deception is staggering. he wants those out there to be careful when the universe sends you signs, make sure you get the message, the true message that is or else it will get louder next time. Tupac says you will always get warnings.

-Drugs aren't necessarily bad he says but Tupac claims they just muffle things too much. It's fuzzy, not clear, even weed is bad in excess. He says " live clean nigga's. See the truth".

-Tupac was hated because he spoke out and exposed the truth about authority like a 60's civil rights figure. His time was going to be short no matter what, too controversial, too envied and too hated. He leaves a red rose behind for his Mother. He says she will always be his rose and he doesn't talk to psychics cause he hates to be misquoted, misunderstood and typecast. He says they want to spin him their way. He was misunderstood and type casted on earth for years, "no more of that" as he looks at me quite seriously.

-His friend Jada knew his heart the best, and he thanks her for expressing that so much.

-Tupac is still a rebel but with a cause to help all humanity see the truth, and stop believing the bullshit. Racism is just ignorance and when one stands up to it Tupac says, the racist is threatened on levels he can't understand. Tupac was a threat to everyone and he laughs, but his own race betrayed him the most. He says "Peace" he's out for now, much love to all who he read this. He turns back around to offer a few more words before exiting:

-"The Apocalypse comes to some who think they have gotten away with bad shit he says, just wait." Tupac promises deliverance. 

These are the last words Tupac Shakur said to me:

"You will understand my spirit still roams and will not rest until I find justice,
not poetic justice, literal justice"

Jeff Buckley: The Last Goodbye


This is channeling from late singer Jeff Buckley, and this is what he wants to say:

-Jeff enters with wild, wavy brown streaked hair, piercing brown eyes singing a Led Zeppelin song "


which is their greatest masterpiece Jeff says. It's the song he wishes he could have written.

- He is once again Scotty Moorhead, because Jeff Buckley was an earth persona to carry on a legacy of music and the day he changed his name, he became a conduit to the other side. Many thought he was lost in space, and he was, receiving chords, bars, notes, words and ideas from another dimension some call heaven. The day he changed his name, his spiritual gifts opened and kept opening. He was receiving information from those on the other side like the great guitarist, Randy Rhoads, and musician John Bonham, even Jim Morrison was in his head but there was a reason for that, he never understood on earth as he wasn't actually a fan of his. He had a dream of Jim once that was rather vivid while Jeff was New York City. In Italy, Jim was there again for some reason and now he knows why.

-He was not self-destructive like Morrison or others really, as he fell somewhere between Prozac and razor blades and felt songs were better if they included both aspects. Jeff's singing was a release of his soul, from primal and ancient screams to the sounds of a siren from a time long gone by. His soul took over his body during a performance and he was not in control, happily he was not in control.

-Jeff didn't really want to be famous, viewing it not so much as selling out, but a trap. He felt Shane Doyle understood him and his music better than almost anyone. Loves his Mother Mary, respects what she has done with the utmost truth. Feels the press is the most harmful thing on the planet. Finds the European press worse than even the American press.

-Jeff wanted to go in a new musical direction, doing things he had not attempted before, not so much futuristic as innovative. It was hard being in his skin at the end of his life, not depressed, not in any way suicidal, but needing some new cycle of energy to come in but he had faith it would return, for the longest time, he felt dry musically and was searching for something to excite him again, beguile him and invite him in. He had faith it was coming.

-Has made peace with his Father on the other side and is with him often. Does not search for answers to his Father's previous life as his Father Tim doesn't search for answers to Jeff's. They respect each other, see it all differently but they are close now, as the essence of Jeff Buckley seems to relate to the essence of Tim Buckley better than anyone.

-Most of those Jeff speaks to on the other side you have never heard of but for the author James Joyce, whom he is grateful to bask in his great understanding of the universe in the most microscopic ways. He has learned Jim Morrison came to him to write a song and leave it for Jim's true love he never got to meet on earth. He did write a song and it's about her without Jeff knowing it on earth. It will be revealed to her. Jeff also had past lives with her and is familiar with Jim's true love Rebecca, coincidentally the name of one of Jeff's girlfriends.

-Jeff previously channeled to a woman named Victoria and gave her a letter that went into a book. He does not speak to Victoria at all anymore and Jim Morrison is raging about her claims she is currently speaking to him. Jim gave her true information on his death and left and does not speak to her anymore. Jeff has come to me to make it clear, Jeff didn't take his own life, it was an accident or was it? He was meant to leave. He was done in that incarnation. Perhaps his song should be "The River" by Bruce Springsteen Jeff says with a small laugh. Great stories often end in tragedy but he wasn't really of earth and wasn't going to stay for long.

-Listens to Edith Piaf on the other side and has heard the beautiful vocals of Eva Cassidy since he crossed. On earth, he likes how Kate Bush uses her voice. In fact, Jeff LOVES how Kate Bush uses her voice and also loves this band:

Believes more people should listen to them, they get it he says, he's a big fan now!

-Jeff hangs out with a musician named Roger Voudouris and says people should revisit Roger's album "RADIO DREAMS" as it's worth your time. Has true admiration for many real musicians, a deep gratitude to Chris Cornell.

- Jeff found fans hard to take, and women who wanted to sleep with him even harder to take, it was awkward, bizarre and made him to vulnerable and not in a good way. Never fell in love on earth, maybe it would've ruined his music. He felt the pain of relationships and cared for two girlfriends a great deal but in truth, he only gave them so much of himself and it ended up becoming complicated and he made it almost impossible for them. Jeff became like a jigsaw puzzle to his girlfriends, and they got tired of trying to find where all the pieces belonged. Sometimes it came off as if he didn't care and that was never really true. But he could not really fall in love, and totally give himself to someone, only for fleeting moments. He did have a girlfriend when he crossed over and she has since, tried to figure him out Jeff says with a smile.

-Jeff's most intense spiritual experiences happened in Italy. He was channeling the spirits of many, Jim Morrison, and many others at that time without realizing it. He felt them close by and he felt the most in his element during his concerts there. He tells Jim's true love to listen to a song called "Jewel Box" he sang on earth and says it's for her, it kind of just fell into Jeff's hands.

-If he were alive today, though he felt at home in Ireland, he would choose to live in the United States and possibly close to Bryce Canyon or an area like that where he could visit the same thing 50 times and find something different. He dislikes Orange County and would not choose to live back in California. He would also not live back in New York City.

-Best performances on earth were in Paris he believes.

-He shows me he dyed his hair black, that was Jeff Buckley, not Scotty Moorhead. He shows himself on the phone as when he spoke on the phone, he said what he meant. Scotty Moorhead was just a kid who loved music and lived for it, that's who he is at heart.

-The music Jeff left behind that appeared after his death is the music he is proudest of, "Nightmares by the Sea" is one that stands out. He felt that was the work he could be at peace with but Jeff was never at peace on earth but is now. He is happy people have found him who were meant to find him since his death, he says this is a mystical thing, he reaches out to certain people on earth with his music, like Brad Pitt but doesn't converse with them, just inspires them. He does not come through to fans or others via psychics or mediums, Ouija boards or seance's, he comes through to those he has some sort of spiritual connection to and points them specifically to his music.

-Jeff said he could not have dealt with fame on earth, it would've wrecked him, the energy was too aggressive and yet, not random enough, but expected, planned and exploitative.

-Jeff's life is now meant to serve as an inspiration and that is solely through his music, not his private life. He was meant to come to earth for a short time, and help others find the true voice of their soul and let it take over them.

-Jeff connects to those on earth he had past lives with and wants to say, he "was really expecting to hear your answering machine, not thinking you would pick-up the phone" and he says hello to Natalie Leer but does not explain who she is.

-Jeff's spirituality is really different now on the other side, he still does not follow organized religion, music is his religion and life force but he is now into Taoist music and seems to really find Taoism as part of the path to enlightenment. He admires those who seek God in carnatic music and in Hinduism through music, following the path of connecting self to soul. But for him, he is already there in many ways. His mission on the other side is to enlighten through music and he is extremely turned off by those who perform music simply to become famous or make millions. This makes them grandiose liars Jeff says. There is nothing worse than someone doing music for purely commercial purposes according to Jeff Buckley.

- Jeff mentions a movie or movies being made about him on earth and finds it a lamentable decision. Jeff is hoping the actor portraying him does not claim Jeff is behind him, helping him sing, he won't be because it's absurd. His essence was and is unique and no one should strive to impersonate the essence of another and he doesn't mean tributes, but a full impersonation. A tribute is an individual spin on things Jeff says and still requires your own art to be created. Do not try to get into his essence Jeff says. This is what never should be.

- He is exceedingly grateful for his tributes on earth and has heard them all, as it brought great joy to him. He does not want to point one out over another but seems to have things to convey to Duncan Sheik and really wants him to know, Jeff has been around him.

- Jeff wants to mention the song "WALKING IN MEMPHIS" by Marc Cohn as he sends that to some people or manipulates the radio to have it played! He says it's a kind of ironic song to send people but he smiles and says it does the trick.

-Jeff is now singing the Creed song for me, "My sacrifice" and says he loves that song.

-Jeff says he began visiting an important person to him in 2005. Her name is Rebecca and she is connected to Jim Morrison but also to Jeff in past lives.

-Jeff quotes a song he says is by Stevie Nicks "I can turn all your music on, I can make you feel alive, I am gone but I'm never gone from you."

-Jeff exits singing a Fleetwood Mac song "Tango in the night" and claims that song, says it all!

Nicole Brown Simpson: Diary of Pain, Diary of Shame

Nicole Brown Simpson has chosen this time to channel her truth to help others and to explain things few people understand about her murder and her life.

-Nicole is healed for the most part but still worries about her beautiful children on earth, Sydney and Justin. They were her earth life and remain a huge part of her life on the other side.

-Nicole begins by saying, she spoke to a famous medium for her sister once, and the medium claimed it doesn't matter who murdered her, Nicole states that is not the case because the one reason she wanted her murderer to go to jail, was because she didn't want him raising her children. That was her biggest fear and now karma and insanity have caught up with that person. She was murdered again by those accusing her of being a "party girl" who was killed by drug dealers, she says it's such a lie as she roll her eyes, she says the dealers must have owned Bruno Magli shoes, which is very unlikely.

-Nicole mentions she was 17 years old when she met O.J. Simpson, she became absorbed in him, his life, his lies and never got a chance to form her own identity. She was abused, but 80% of the time, her life was OK with him, it was the other 20% was the problem. She realizes how she is viewed for becoming involved with a married man but she was continually lied to by O.J. about that situation and she was naive and believed him. She is sorry she ever did.

-Nicole's life was O.J. and women viewed her as so lucky to have been chosen by him. They envied the easy life they believe she had. Nicole never believed in herself, her esteem was very low. She only wanted a husband and children and felt she had been through so much waiting for O.J. that she earned her wedding to him and she looks back almost ashamed of herself, (that she believed you earn a wedding to a man or you deserve it because you have put up with so much). She actually believed things would be different after they married and that she wasn't enough for him, so he cheated. He made her feel terrible about herself all the time and she admits to having abortions because he wanted her to, a huge regret that makes her cry as being a Mom was everything to her and she would've liked to have had those babies. She didn't go in as some women do and have an abortion believing it was so inconvenient and it was better that way. Nicole says she did what he wanted and if she dared question him or even act non-compliant she was screamed at, horrible things were said to her and she was often hit. She knows she went back to O.J. after the divorce and she initiated the reunion, because she didn't even know who Nicole was. Many people believe she gave up her youth to be with O.J. so she went hog wild when she got divorced in her 30's, not true says Nicole, she was simply looking for love in all the wrong places as the song says.

-Nicole wanted to be married again to a good man, a nice man and have more kids. She wasn't caught-up in the Hollywood lifestyle at all, in fact she wanted to move to the country with a new husband and have more babies. She thought of a farm or something like that. She was ready to leave but could not find anyone who really wanted to be with her, and those she attracted most likely were there because she was O.J.'s ex. She does not blame her family for not understanding she was this abused woman, for the most part she acted as if she wanted to be with O.J. and her Mother did tell her to leave him a few times. So she can't blame them. He was the endearing son-in-law and brother-in-law and that's how Nicole wanted it when they first met. She wanted her family to love and accept O.J. and he endeared himself to them.

-When she divorced O.J., she had no idea who she was or what her purpose was but she tried to find herself in both good and bad ways. Her first priority was always her children and tears fall when Nicole speaks of them and how she longs for them to remember the times they had together, the messes they made in the house, the time they painted their faces, everything. She really wants them to know, she is right there for them always. She didn't want to leave them.

She speaks of O.J. being a "monster" and She is ashamed for losing herself in a bad man. She knew he didn't treat her right but she gave him all she was, and that was an awful waste she says. Women she says, hide behind the idea that he loves you, so it's OK to stay with someone who doesn't treat you right, even if you are never hit. They think it's acceptable to stay with someone who has no regard for you or your life. Nicole says it's not OK. She needed professional therapy and got some but not enough and believe all women in this situation need the same thing. After her divorce, she wasn't finding a man to share her life with. Her children missed the big house they use to live in and family and friends made her feel isolated and selfish for leaving O.J. She was told of O.J.'s new girlfriend Paula and how well he was treating her, and people started to convince her that O.J. had changed and a part of her felt, she had been through so much with him, she should at least experience a good life with him, as if she deserved to be with the "good" O.J. This was all false, O.J. had not changed at all and in fact, had gotten worse. Nicole said he was using a lot of cocaine and that added to his psychosis. Nicole had experimented with drugs, something she is not proud of, but O.J. introduced them to her and she did not have a drug habit but admits in the final months of her life, she was drinking a lot when she went out with friends to numb the pain.

-When Nicole tried to reconcile with O.J. she says she signed her death certificate. Nicole says that he became a maniac so many times out of nowhere, jealous of men she saw while they were divorced, insanely jealous that she believed he was really going to kill her. He had come close before one New Year's eve and she had done her best to block it out but now she knew, her days were numbered around him. If she tried to leave him this time, she would be in for it. She began to see O.J.'s friend again, Marcus. They were involved before and she resumed involvement briefly because she needed men to make her feel good about herself, another fact she carries shame from. If a man didn't find her attractive, Nicole didn't feel attractive and talks about how "sick" this actually is. O.J. learned about Marcus and now she knows why. The detective she calls pure scum, Anthony Pellicano was following Nicole near the end of her life for O.J. Although Nicole told O.J. it was all over on her birthday in May of 1994, she was very ill with pneumonia, she never felt so sick and it was due to the stress of ending it with the man she calls the "frog man" and Nicole had a terrible phobia of frogs and O.J. played on it to torture her. She ended it again and this time, she felt she had to move away from Brentwood. She was planning on relocating to another area before she was killed and was actively looking. She didn't want to stay in the neighborhood O.J. could stalk her in. She caught him hiding in the bushes before. She went back and forth from living in fear to the denial that he would not kill her, because of their kids. But that was pure denial of how much of a monster he was she tells me with a soft, sorrowful voice.

-Nicole says the night of her murder, she was afraid O.J. might show up due to the looks he gave her at their daughter's dance recital, but then kept telling herself he was going out of town, she would be safe. She was ready to move and begin again and never go back. She had dreams once of opening a coffee shop and she was going to do something with her life and something to support her kids without the help of O.J. Nicole wanted to cut all strings with O.J. she says longingly, as if she wished it had happened and that included financial ones. Ron Goldman, Nicole says, was a friend she had met several months before. They were only friends, never lovers. He was a very nice guy who wasn't like the rest, only wanting one thing,Ron Goldman genuinely wanted to be her friend. Ron was working on self-esteem issues to rise above his inner conflicts, and Nicole had the same kind of issues. Ron dreamed of opening a restaurant, and was determined to do so. He was a caring person who always thought of others, Nicole had never met anyone like him. Little did Nicole realize, they had a great history together in other lifetimes and their souls were due to come back together and find each other. Nicole says, Ron literally saw someone yelling at her when he pulled up to her house that fateful Sunday night, and the man doing the yelling was dressed in black with a hat on. Nicole went out to open the gate for Ron as it was broken and had to be opened manually. Ron was returning her Mother's prescription glasses left in the restaurant Nicole went to with her family earlier in the evening. Nicole saw her murderer lingering in the bushes and the confrontation began! Nicole was not planning a romantic evening with Ron Goldman, she lit candles often to take her own bath and she didn't expect Ron to stay. "MezzaLuna" exists no more but that's where Ron worked as a waiter and Nicole dined with her family that last night.

-Ron saw some one hassling Nicole, she was hit on the head and temporarily knocked out. Ron came upon the scene to see what was happening and to help Nicole, for Ron Goldman had true valour, something not often seen. Ron Goldman gave his life for Nicole that night, such a promising, young life. She knows the sacrifice he made for her and even now, can't believe it. They are together on the other side, they are true mates. They are together like husband and wife. Nicole is raising children and Ron would not change anything, he would've left earth with Nicole and for Nicole. His love for her is true and her love for him, immense. Ron knows his family has suffered beyond what can be explained and he regrets that and wishes they understood, he is happy to have left with Nicole. He has reunited with a true mate. He is so sorry for what his Father and sister have endured but Ron has forgiven O.J. and is trying to help Nicole come to a better place. He shows me the ANKH sign, he has a great life he says.

-Nicole says, she wanted O.J. convicted so he was not around her children. She also says the cops on the case were bumbling and careless. They messed everything up and only Mark Fuhrman understood the evidence but was discredited for something from his past. Nicole says we all have things in our past. She does not blame Marcia or Chris Darden for the loss of the court case saying, they really did care about her and Ron and were very sincere. The bumbling police on the case were just trying to make it to retirement and they weren't use to having to be more careful with evidence. Their usual "perps" do not have a dream team of lawyers to scrutinize everything they did and didn't do. Nicole points to the private detective Anthony Pellicano, now in prison and says he has a lot of the answers to her murder, including the clean-up. She mentions "Rocky" who was O.J.'s normal driver, not Alan, the man who showed up the night she was murdered. She does not explain Rocky's role but suggests he knows more than anyone has ever been told. The police missed a lot of key interviews.

-Nicole says O.J.'s former girlfriend Christy would've been murdered just like she was. She was used as a lookalike to Nicole and Nicole admits she does resemble her, for O.J. was trying to live out his life with Nicole is some sick, twisted way. She is very glad Christy left O.J. and that Christy has told the truth about O.J. being Nicole's murderer. She knows Christy suffered enough at the hands of the monster. She has disdain however for Tawny Kitain and can hardly believe she can justify her affair with O.J. She believes Paula, O.J.'s former girlfriend knew much more about O.J.'s obsession with Nicole than Paula ever told anyone! She had a very selective memory Nicole says.

-Nicole says she is very close to Bob Kardashian on the other side and that he had the wool pulled over his eyes by O.J. as everyone else did. Bob regrets ever helping his old friend and he watches over his children and is sometimes dismayed with their antics as he is "old school" but loves them eternally and unconditionally. Bob Kardashian is very grateful to Bruce Jenner for how he handles the four children he left behind. Nicole has made peace with Johnnie Cochran. She has never seen anyone more remorseful than Johnnie Cochran for his involvement in defending O.J. She says she didn't want to communicate with him but Ron informed her, Johnnie was only doing his job and they should listen to him. Johnnie is someone Nicole now respects.

-Nicole speaks of how she met Jim Morrison while coming to be channeled and realized something very important. Jim was also killed because the woman he was with did not want to let him go, he was treated as a possession like Nicole was. She points out, this happens to men too. Nicole says Pamela Courson tried to approach her because Nicole was communicating with Jim and Jim won't communicate with Pamela. Nicole says Pamela has a dark soul, and she and O.J. would be the perfect couple to rot in hell together. She is glad Jim wasn't killed as violently as she was but she says Jim suffered for hours and she was knocked out and didn't realize her throat was slit until she left her body and saw it. Her biggest concern when she left her body was for her children, that they did not wake-up and come out and see her or Ron that way. It would've scarred them for life and Nicole says, but O.J. was such a wonderful Father according to friends, he only left their Mother with her head nearly cut off for them to find and her friend, bleeding to death near a tree for his kids to see. She has not forgiven her murderer and not even truly forgiven herself for being with him and not thinking enough of herself to realize how unbalanced it was to lose herself in a man, any man. She is working on it but is happy, in love and well cared for by Ron.

-Nicole is a work in progress and is still dealing with her earth life and violent death. She wants others to realize, if your free will is not being honored in a relationship and if your life is revolving around your mates' moods, wants, and needs and not your own, please get help.

Kurt Cobain: Dogma of Abberation

-Kurt Cobain is here to speak of things he wants to talk about!

-Kurt knows some of his fans will actually listen, and Kurt really didn't mean to leave the world and upset so many people, that's not what he wanted to do.

-Kurt wants to say, he was committing suicide for years before he went. His death wasn't what it seemed because things were altered but he does take full responsibility for ending his life, just don't believe everything you are told and realize his coma he was in while in Italy was not exactly how it was presented. He does mention a drug dealer being involved in his death but has to accept the whole shebang he says for what took place.

-Your life should not come down to one day Kurt says, the day you die should not be the end all, be all, all the days before should matter more.

-Kurt dislikes most of the press, the media sucks for the most part says the iconic rocker, but he has much respect for Kurt Loder, who Kurt Cobain says gets him, and not because they have the same first name either.

-Nihilist was what Kurt was, he's a little different now, after all he's been through/

-Kurt sees his daughter, and knows she turned out much better than he did, Thank God.

-Kurt talks about forget me nots ( the flowers), not roses, everyone loves roses, but he keeps saying notice the forget me nots.

-Kurt doesn't understand having a fan club, he would like more of a blog where people add their own lyrics, poetry, words, journal entries, like a co-op.

-Kurt had a hard time crossing over, he was aware what was going on but in bad shape, cause your mind goes with you he says and one of the main ones that helped him cross was Jim Morrison, even though he wasn't a fan of Jim's on earth, but now he says Jim is the coolest dude in the universe.

-Kurt has a close friendship now with Michael Hutchence, who had more charisma than anyone on stage according to Cobain. Michael and Kurt travel the universe quite often, Kurt describes them as simpatico.

-Kurt has met Jerry Garcia once on that side, no friendship, he has his own trip and has met John Lennon, not what he thought it would be. Kurt says Morrison is much cooler but he's sure John Lennon isn't channeling all these people who claim he is and ringing angel bells.

-Kurt is a member of a major soul group that contains artists and musicians, and works for the greater good, very into what he does now. If he had to do it over again, he would draw, paint and design jewelry, just bracelets, silver with expressive symbolism, esoteric maybe, one-of-a kind definitely, yeah he would be a jewelry designer he says with a grin, a bracelet maker is what he would do if he could do it all over again.

-Kurt didn't die, there is no death he says and people think he was this messed up junkie who went out because he was a messed up junkie, not true, Kurt claims he was messed up with or without he drugs. Everyone knows that heroin is shit he says, it's comatose inducing shit to be more exact Kurt says , but it was a pain killer for him, physically with his stomach problems, mentally with his chemical imbalance in the brain, and emotionally because he was on some strange train ride that never seemed to stop.

-Kurt doesn't like psychics, says more are opportunists, judgmental a--holes, or frauds, you take your pick. Kurt is only speaking now cause he feels like it, normally never talks to a psychic person and gives specifics if he does. Stop calling him in he says, you won't get him on your Ouija board, that's a game and he is not playing. He doesn't have some cosmic wisdom for you, if he did, guess what? Kurt says you wouldn't get it from him anyway (he laughs), he never feels like talking to psychics, what purpose would it serve? He says he has channeled to Jacqueline, but he didn't mean to make her sick and dizzy, and he spoke to Sloan Bella once and Darcy, (who understands him very well ) but he  never spoke to anyone in the U.K. 

-Kurt is not sure why he is called the voice of a generation, Hitler was called the same he says, hmmm, he has to think about that.

-Kurt wasn't sure how to find God on earth, but wanted to, knew religion was wrong, and now he knows God. He has been forgiven, and he forgives everyone because there was some really messed up stuff that took place in his name, lies, and more lies, and he says he forgives, it's over and done with, and he has let it all go. He is sorry he caused anyone pain by the way he left, it was irresponsible but it was a train that was going to crash, by then, it was inevitable, he says to please forgive him and know he never meant harm to anyone. Kurt says he did some messed up shit so he does need to ask for forgiveness.

-Kurt has private issues to take up with Courtney when they see each other face to face. He won't discuss them but will hash it out with her so each of them can move on and go their separate ways and he calls it a laundry list of complaints, but then he says, WAIT she has moved on and so has he but they do need to have a private discussion on things, and there will be no hearts and flowers or love letters he assures me.

-Kurt would marry a nurse if he had to do it over, or someone of that ilk, a caregiver, because he really needed one.

-For the conspiracy theorists, and Kurt is wondering if he should throw Sarah Palin in this part, Tom Grant isn't totally right and he isn't totally wrong, there is some truth in some points he makes, just not the main ones.

-Kurt wants to talk about music on earth, does try and keep up a little, and he has some people he would get a real kick out of reaching. He says believe it or not, he likes Sick Puppies, for Aussies they do rock he says and "Polar Opposite" is pretty good.

-Kurt wants to talk about the band, The Missionary Position and says the lead singer Jeff rocks and Kurt is glad he has conquered his demons and is on the right path. Kurt truly wants to communicate with Jeff because of people they have in common and says the Viper Room isn't all what it's cracked up to be.

-Kurt talks about a musician named Barrett Martin and his Zenga paintings and Kurt likes "Shapeshifter" but feels all the paintings go with his music, he says they are kind of interesting.

-Kurt wants everyone to listen to this band on earth now, he thinks they "get it" above all others:

-Kurt doesn't appreciate or know how to handle gruesome images of his dead body being passed around for the world to see, Kurt says he could handle that kind of stuff but it's not for the general population.

-Kurt wasn't actually bi-polar, but was born with extreme chemical imbalance in the brain.

-Kurt says the Suicide note was not actually a suicide note, you figure that one out.

-Kurt has decided since crossing over, the book "The Naked Lunch" is not finished though he had the honor of meeting William S. Burroughs on earth, it needed more to it but he says keep reading your Kurt Vonnegut, his work was finished and it's something everyone should read.

-Kurt would not be a fan of Lady Gaga, he thinks her fans are cool, she is not cool he says, too narcissistic for him.

-Kurt says self-loathing, loathing of family and chemical imbalance adds up to one cosmic disaster. Kurt could have gone the way of serial killer in theory but instead put it down in music, and at times, being a jerk kept his vulnerability hidden.

-Kurt wants the world know, you don't need to hate, write about what causes emotion he says, anger, rage, depression, just write about it and Kurt says it helps it and it heals it sort of.

-Kurt believes Amy Winehouse should have a date  on that side with Sid Vicious, though he says Sid is not on his level and not in a good place, some of them do better than others, it's just some want to recover and get to the core of their inner soul.

-Kurt shows a big dream catcher and says he put the nightmares of his past life behind him, they are gone now. It wasn't how it should have been, but he has let go of it, he holds onto to none of it because getting healthier, and he said healthier not healthy means the past has to stay there, and now he's pain free, and no one knows how good that feels, but he says, his transition was incredibly hard, and it took a while to get to that point so, if you think ending it your way will free you from pain instantly, he says guess again. The pain will be much worse for awhile, there's no free ride and there's no easy out, what you leave behind, you will be dealing with one way or another. Kurt calls his life on earth, a cautionary tale not for the weak of stomach or faint of heart.

-Kurt says he wants to talk to his friend Mary Lou again because she's authentic, and wants to tell her he plays the drums on the other side, he always kind of liked the drums.

-Kurt said that the day he went to Exodus, the misconception is, that he was in denial, he just wasn't ready for it and Exodus wasn't the answer, the answer for him was even more spiritual and he couldn't find it but searched.

-Kurt wants to communicate a very strange thing to let the world know, in the days before he went on the big cosmic transition, he was actually happy. He can remember being in this Mexican restaurant. He doesn't recall being in Linda's Tavern hours before he died but he did go there at times and honestly, he was in a good mood after leaving Exodus. He claims he was looking for pills, something to replace the heroin, but it didn't work.

-For the record, Kurt had nothing but total admiration for Dave Grohl. He never hated him, and Kurt knows he wasn't easy to be around at times, but believes Dave was a real friend and still is.

-Crossing over was hard, truth is, Kurt didn't realize he had done it, so it was shocking to him and the transition was worse than the last years of his life but he did break on through to the other side and he doesn't believe in the "27" club because it doesn't mention all the people who weren't famous who crossed over at age 27, so he says it's just so superstitious and lame.

-Kurt had a classic suicide, and he knows it, and he wonders why people want to doubt it but at the same time, he says the best one is that Jim Morrison died in a bath tub on heroin. That was a murder Kurt says, his wasn't, just things were altered after the fact and he even has to take responsibility for what the drug dealer did because Kurt chose his poison.